It has been quite some time since I’ve written anything. Truthfully, I have been in a pretty big funk and everything in general has been a tremendous effort. For the past couple of weeks, it has been pretty bad resulting in me sleeping much more than I should, which is what I do to avoid the depression.
I have hesitated to write about this out of fear of judgment from other homesteaders. I play out the conversations they will have about me, “A REAL homesteader would not do that!” or “REAL homesteaders would never let that happen. They’d still get things done.” or “How can she even consider herself a homesteader? She doesn’t even have herself together. How does she expect to manage?” Then, I thought that maybe, just maybe, there were other homesteaders out there who have been where I am now and gotten through it. Maybe they will have advice or encouragement.
I look at my garden and cannot believe how much it still gives us despite being so neglected. I go out there every day and pull weeds for a bit, but some days I just don’t have the energy to water like I should and it’s looking pretty dry. The pickling cucumbers suffered for it and that is no one’s fault but mine. The green beans are still popping out all over and the peppers are finally coming in. We are going to have so many cayenne peppers and I’m just thrilled.
The fact that my garden is so forgiving amazes me. Despite my neglect, it still provides food, which brings me so much joy. Every new blossom, every new pepper, tomato, bean, or onion lights up my soul and pushes the black clouds just a little farther away.
In my heart, I know I’m not the only one who has battled or continues to battle this. I’m learning how to fight harder. I’ve made some changes that are helping tremendously. I am learning to count my blessings a lot more and am amazed at how blessed I truly am. I have an amazing family that is so supportive and helpful and I have the most incredible friends who I love so very much.
The clouds are slowly but surely lifting. My joy is returning. My energy is replenishing. Life is blessed on this wannabe homestead!